誠實 Be true to myself

對自己誠實好像很難，
It's very hard to be true to myself,
從英國回來也已過了超過一個月，
It's been over a month since I came back from UK
對臺灣熟悉得像是從沒離開過。
I've already adjusted to life in Taiwan like I've never left.

對別人誠實很難，對自己誠實更難。
Hard to be true to others, even harder to myself.
要表現得甚麼都懂，以免他人發現自己甚麼都不懂；
Sometimes I have to act as if I know everything in case people find out I know nothing,

表現得很有想法，以免別人發現你在放空在欣賞窗上的雨滴；
Have to express opinion on every issue so they won't notice I'm just spacing out,

要時時提醒自己停止焦慮，對於手邊的事、未來的日子我總是很焦慮。
I need to remind myself of stopping being anxious, but I just can't stop worrying about tasks at hand and the future.

看到可憐的人想幫助他們卻無能為力，
I feel helpless when I want to do something for those in need,

希望把每件事都做到最好，卻不知道從何著手。,
I want to make everything perfect while not knowing what to do

總是被問到未來想做甚麼，誠實地回答: 要看目的是甚麼
 People always asked me what's my dream, to be honest, it depends on what's the purpose.

但是要往哪裡走遲遲卻無法決定。
But I still can't decide which path to take,

如果想移民美加，最好當個工程師或程式設計師；
If I want to move abroad, the best way is to become a programmer or engineer,

如果想享受眾人欽佩的眼光，最好進顧問或投銀；
If I want to feel superior, better to be a consultant or get in to investment bank ,

在國外生活能融入當地還是永遠是個局外人?
However, is it possible to become one of the locals or I will always be an outsider?

如果想簡單過生活當個上班族早九晚五也算幸福，但有可能要一直擔心錢和他人眼光；
In fact, it's not too bad to be a normal office worker, I'll have my off-work life, yet very likely I'll be worrying about money and others' comments on me all the time.

有時覺得需要先證明自己做得到大家眼中的優秀才能去追求自己想要的，
From time to time I feel the need to reach the goals set by people before I can pursue what I want,

以免被認為是因為做不到、不夠優秀才不去做。
Or people might think I'm not good enough to do what they consider "excellence".

但是人生一直被他人眼光所困住聽著也覺得有點可憐。
Sounds pitiful to be trapped by how others think of me right?

要選擇前，要先打破自己被社會影響著用單一標準衡量人生的價值的迷思。
Probably the first thing I shall do  is to accept the idea that life is not measured by a single set of criteria.

《被討厭的勇氣》一書中提到得沒錯，人生唯一且最大的煩惱就是人際關係的煩惱。
Like Alfred Adler said:"All the problems come from relationships with other people"

優秀是相對地，成功是相對地，美貌是相對地(如果這些虛幻的詞彙能被定義)
 Success, Achievement and Beauty only have meanings when they're compared with others.

如果沒有他人，這些煩惱還存在嗎?
What happens if there's no "others"?

把自己的擔心寫出來算是我對自己誠實的第一步。
Well I don't know the answers to any questions I mentioned above but writing down my worries and concerns is my first step to be true to  myself.